grumpy about good wine

I found a good-looking bottle of wine at Whole Foods a day or two ago.

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What a great name. When I say it, I want to stand with my chest puffed out, my left arm akimbo, my right foot forward and my right arm extended before me, my right hand open and palm up. “ZOLO!!” As I announce it dramatically in my velvet-festooned pantaloons and princess-puff sleeves, my dimpled fedora flies off my head.

This is (or was, until about 8 o’clock last night) an UNOAKED chardonnay. I had no idea what that meant, but it sounded like some filtering must be involved to take the oak out. No. Google this and the winos get all uppity, but when you dig through the rubbish to the sort of information dummies like me need, it turns out not to be complicated. An UNOAKED chardonnay is not aged in oak barrels. That is all. But I guess “unoaked chardonnay” (no autocorrect, no no NO I don’t mean unbaked) sounds more wino-ish than “stainless-steel-vat-aged chardonnay.”

Unoaked chardonnay is better for the world environmentally, because you don’t have to cut down oak trees and ship oak barrels hither and yon to winemaker’s abodes. That’s so awesome. Zolo is proud of being environmentally thoughtful, which is why flying-hat man declares right on the front label that this wine is “sustainably farmed.”

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I’m really glad that I could buy this sustainably farmed, sustainably unbaked (damn you, autocorrect, damn you; fine, you win), good-for-the-environment wine.

Thank goodness they were able to ship it to my Whole Foods here in Wisconsin.

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