adventures from the homefront, COVID-19 edition, episode 7: social distancing for the win

Wisconsin is officially closed for business! Well, mostly. I over”heard” a group of people on Facebook slightly panicking about Home Depot closing, but I don’t think it will.  It’s essential.  Ace, my local hardware store, will likely stay open too — though I don’t know how essential it is, since it doesn’t carry toasters.

Do you know, I’ve survived now for what, a week? Without a toaster. I’m more resilient than I thought.

My shrink says I’m better prepared for this lockdown than many of my parent peers, because Jesse has essentially been homebound for a couple years and I’m already deeply embedded in her education. He pointed out that other parents may be more anxious about being home full-time with their kids and having to make some schooling happen, but I’m used to it and already have the skills and flexibility to make this work.  I was startled by this proposition.  I thought I was more like a raw nerve waiting to die.

I’m considering implementing social distancing rules at home.  It would finally get everyone out of our bed at night, and I wouldn’t have to sit at meals with the feral, sloppy maniacs masquerading as my spawn. I’m making cinnamon rolls right now. When they’re done, I can toss one to each kid from 6 feet off.  Oops, sorry I nailed you in the head. Enjoy.

Social distancing is a wonderful thing for someone like me, because I hate people. Generally speaking, you know.  I love many people and I care, la la la, but more universally speaking, people suck and many days I get tired of all the trivial human contact as I make my way through a day. Currently there is very little contact, and even less need for me to behave in socially acceptable ways, and I’m loving it. When I walk a dog, I don’t get stuck in polite chatter with neighbors I barely know so that our dogs can sniff each others’ butts and say hello. Now we just nod heads at each other and walk on. What a relief. Anthony, Nick and I went on a jog yesterday. When we passed people, it was perfectly okay for me to swerve in avoidance, turn my head away, and refuse to make eye contact – whereas a few weeks ago, the same behavior would have been frowned on.

I hope some of this sticks, even after the quarantining ends.


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