The breast biopsy brochure sucks

I met with the breast surgeon yesterday to talk about the biopsy he’s going to perform on my right breast, and to give him a chance to feel me up. I walked out of the meeting feeling a lot better. He seems normal and competent, so I guess that’s a good thing. When we were done, he gave me the business card for his “scheduling lady.” The card was wierdly blank, and the number on it was a cell number, and I was warned she never actually answers the phone, she only calls back.  She did in fact call me back about 18 hours after I left her a message, but with only one available time for the biopsy. When I asked for a different one, she said she’d need to call back.  That was 3 hours ago.  It all feels very mysterious and annoying.  24 hours after the meet/greet, I’m still trying to get the biopsy scheduled.

I also was given a brochure about breast biopsies. It doesn’t provide especially useful information, and instead of an actual photo of someone getting a biopsy, there’s a really irritating drawing:

A nice lady enjoying her biopsy

A nice lady enjoying her biopsy

She looks so peaceful and content, lying facedown on a hard plastic surface in an ugly hospital robe, with her boob hanging through a hole, while the doctor cheerfully prepares to immobilize and squash that boob to one-tenth it’s natural thickness, stick a pencil-thick metal tube into it, and nip out a sweet little piece of possibly-cancerous flesh.  Does that feel gooood, hon?  The patient gazes into the pretend camera, oozing feelings of pleasant relaxation.  Aaaah.  Enjoy your breast biopsy, nice lady.

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