Sooo tired. Migraine imminent. Jesse whining incessantly about whatever comes to mind. It’s easy to KNOW that it’s because she’s emotionally spent, but it’s hard to DEAL with it. 

Because I wish she was proud of herself. She held her head up and looked confident, she showed up for her heats, and she fit right in. She was a little weird during the freestyle — I can’t even explain it, you would have had to see her — but she completed the event with a personal best. Her swimming has come so far. I wish she could enjoy what she’s accomplished. 

We’ll keep working on getting her to a better place in her head. I’m weary of her self-loathing. I loathe it. 

But aside from that, the long day turned out not that bad.  A very pulled-together mom (NOT ME, obviously) corralled other parents to bring stuff.



What you don’t see in this pic is the 4000 various brands of power and protein bars someone sent. There was plenty of food. 

The kids entertained themselves by doing sprints on the indoor track and throwing balls and playing with electronics. It was pretty relaxed. 

Nick and Anthony arrived in time to watch Jesse’s heats. Almost nothing could do a better job of putting a smile on a grumpy face than the sight of Nick cheering for his sister. He chanted “go Jesse! Go Jesse! Go Jesse!” while pumping his fist up and down like peeps used to do on freeways to ask semis to honk their horns. And, as Anthony points out, Nick chanted like this for Jesse in ten consecutive heats until she was actually swimming. (All little girls in swimcaps and goggles look the same from the bleachers.)

It was a shame Jesse was so unhappy at the end of it all, but I hope she’ll learn to feel better about this event by some time in… I don’t know, say her late 20’s? As I always say: that’s what therapy’s for.